the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
