im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
