I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
