I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
