I seem to have left my pride at pride
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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