remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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