he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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