if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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