God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
