im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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