Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
