SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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