Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
