It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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