I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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