my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
