I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
