so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
