I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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