please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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