I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
