I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
