In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
