The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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