1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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