11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
