you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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