dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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