Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
