It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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