Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
