I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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