i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
