News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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