just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
