Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
