hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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