remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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