Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
