I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
