She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
