Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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