There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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