Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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