So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
