there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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