tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
