i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
