She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
