I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
